If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
