you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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