You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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