You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
