If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
