We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
