I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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