I like my sex mixed with concussions.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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