I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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