I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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