oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize