There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
