it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
