Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So vagazzling was a success
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
