When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
