He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
