Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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