Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
