where am i from again
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
