she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
