so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
