An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
