the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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