false alarm. still invincible.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
