I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I understand Curling. That high.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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