I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
