just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
