To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
