i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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