i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
