I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
