You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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