i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
