somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
