I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
