I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
