After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
