I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
