I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
