Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
