She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
