If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
