He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
