Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
