DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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