I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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