You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
