we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
