I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize