Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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