I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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