You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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