Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
