Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I did not marry a roomba.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
