If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
