she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
