I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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