I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
