she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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