She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
