I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
