i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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