i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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