im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
