Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
