um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
